Listen, I’m not sure that we should be taking advice from a chronic alcoholic either. Charles Bukowsi certainly did not live an awesome life. He had a traumatic childhood, had a hard time keeping a job, hated his hippie girlfriend, never recovered from the death of his first love, and finally died of leukemia at 73.
But here’s the thing: all advice is autobiographical. His words were born from his deepest desires that he just couldn’t quite hold on to. That’s why they’re so damn important: because they’re so damn desirable for all of us. So for the sake of creating some lists for the internet, let’s just create one from a very troubled, yet very insightful man: Charles Bukowski (American author, poet, short story writer, and novelist in the 1960-1970ish era.) He is worthy of quoting because he was a prolific writer (in that, many other writers imitated his style. Which, by the way, is the goal of all writers: to be original.) There is a quote that I love that says, “an original sound in the universe will make a thousand echoes.” This is true for everything. And it was true for Charles. Just look at Pinterest, or Instagram, or a hipster’s typography resume. They’re FILLED with Bukowski quotes. Why? Because he narrated the life of the downtrodden and depraved people of American urban life. This is us. He was talking about us. Even if you don’t know it. He’s talking about you.
1. Don’t settle. But also, don’t freak out when you do have to settle. You will have to settle. It is inevitable.
“I wanted the whole world or nothing.”
Maybe it’s easy to settle. There is less conflict if we compromise, less explaining to do, less work. It’s easier to ignore the tiny globe of my dreams that sit in a dusty cabinet, locked in the recesses of my heart. To be honest, I’m a little afraid of it. What potential really is locked inside of me? Is it more than I expect? Or is it, *gasp* less. There is a sting to letting that dream of yours sit tucked in tight in that cabinet of yours, never to see the light of day. When you desire something deeply, here is some simple advice: Work. Work, work; and then! Work some more. Not because you want the end result, or because you’ll be successful or rich, but because you’ll experience happiness in the trying. If you don’t have that feeling about something in your life, I suggest searching for it a little harder.
But here is the twist (and here is what Charles could never quite accomplish): let the actual process of working on something that you love provide the joy. You will probably never accomplish everything that you want to. And that’s okay too because of my next point:
2. Love yourself.
“I never met another man I’d rather be. And even if that’s a delusion, it’s a lucky one.”
I’ve stopped criticizing myself. Not because of this quote, of course, but because it’s so damn exhausting. Not to mention it yields nothing to hate yourself. It’s pretty cliche to say “love yourself” these days. It’s kind of new age, and a little annoying to be honest. But there’s this nugget of truth in it that resonates with me. (Things are cliche for a reason.) At the end of the day, I am the one that has to sit alone with myself. Someone else’s love is incredibly wonderful in life, but it will never replace the acceptance and respect that you should give to yourself.
3. Live life to its fullest.
“What is terrible is not death, but the lives people live or don’t live up until their death.”
“Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live.”
I know a man that began painting after a lifetime of service in the military. He had never explored this talent until late in his life. And you know what? His paintings are amazing. Not only that, he loves it so much, he paints about 4-6 hours a day. He can’t help it. He must paint. I can only imagine what he would be painting now if he had started years earlier. You only have this one wild and precious life. What are you going to do with it? I’m not saying that you should drop everything and paint, but I am saying that it’s never to late to follow your bliss. Sigh. Youth is wasted on the young.
4. Don’t fear pain, because without it, you can’t experience happiness.
“You have to die a few times before you can really live.”
Pain, sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety – and negative feelings are not only part of life, they are actually essential to a happy life. Deal with it. #buddhism. ANYWAY, instead of suppressing things which are uncomfortable, ignoring them, and wishing them away; you must accept them, embrace them, and face them so that you can fully enjoy the beautiful emotions that life has to offer. Again, Charles was the ultimate inspiration for hippies (even though he despised them), because being at one with the dark and light of the universe was his jam. So when you think you’ve hit rock bottom, remember that it can only go up from there, and the pain you’re experiencing in the moment will only make the happiness taste that much sweeter later on.
5. Shamelessly express yourself.
“It’s better to do a dull thing with style than a dangerous thing without it.”
Don’t be afraid to be yourself – Charles Bukowski certainly didn’t hesitate to. It’s boring to live in a city of clones. It’s better to live your life being your whole self than trying to pretend to be something you’re not, simply for the approval others.
6. You’re stronger than you think.
“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside…remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”
When you are up all night after a break-up, or you’ve just been fired, or you’re late on your rent and you might be kicked out: it will still be in our fragile human nature to fight tooth and nail to survive. Emotions are fleeting, and never permanent. Remember that. You will make it through these difficulties in one piece. Always remember that you’re stronger than you may think, and you have it in you to get through the toughest of days.
This may seem trite coming from someone you don’t know, but Bukowski suffered as a child. His father was frequently abusive, both physically and mentally. (His father beat him with a razor strop three times a week from the ages of 6 to 11.) Neighborhood children ridiculed his German accent and the clothing his parents made him wear. He was never given much, and when he finally was offered relief, it was short-lived. Maybe this is depressing, but it is also a reflection of the human spirit and it’s capacity to keep traveling in the direction of the sun.
7. Don’t fear death.
“I carry death in my left pocket. Sometimes I take it out and talk to it: “Hello, baby, how you doing? When you coming for me? I’ll be ready.”
“There’s nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower.”
Death is unavoidable, and it wears many masks. You may fear death in a literal way, or just loss in general. You may fear change. You may fear change in others or change in yourself. Instead of obsessing about when you’ll finally go, what kingdom of heaven you’ll enter when you’re done, or fearing the risks that might lead to your demise, your evolution, or a complete and utter change in your circumstance; you need to take advantage of the life you were given at this very moment. It’s much more worthwhile to celebrate life today. Trust me on this.
Let’s admit it together: the thing we’re most afraid of is the unknown. Life has this funny way of being completely mundane for 90% of the time, and then flipping you upside down and inside out the other 10%. It’s those times, because we’re not prepared for them, that are truly scary. But, if you focus on the moment you’re in, right now, this moment, you’ll likely be much happier because of it. Because you’ll get through it and move on through a completely different stage shortly (refer to point #6) Oh, and: #Buddhism. #Again.
8. Be curious.
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts.”
This is a major problem… except that it’s not. This advice is two-fold. 1.) If you question things around you, you’ll naturally become more intelligent. But there is a price for curiosity: questions breed more questions. Once you start digging for information, the more you’ll realize you need to dig for… more information. Questions, then answers, then more questions, then more answers and so on and so on and I think you get my point. Here is the killer: you will never have all the answers. That is a bit depressing. Only intelligent people realize this. Ignorance is bliss. So the second piece of advice is: 2.) Don’t let the first point stop you.
9. There are worse things than loneliness.
“There are worse things than being alone but it often takes decades to realize this and most often when you do it’s too late and there’s nothing worse than too late.”
If this list is saying anything, it’s saying do something that Bukowski could never do: find peace with yourself.
