This is a true story, as we have come to believe, from the blog: It Just Gets Stranger.
Last night I was in bed at a decent hour, proud of myself for having the self-discipline to get some sleep.
[Ring ring]
Eli: [groggy voice] hello?
Rebecca: I’M GETTING ATTACKED IN THE STREETS!
Eli: Who is this?
Rebecca: YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS. I need your help.
Eli: Rebecca, did you lose your freaking keys, again!?
Rebecca: NO. And I resent the way you said “again” like it happens a lot–
Eli: It happens every. single. day.
Rebecca: Anyway, are you going to help me?
Eli: You said you’re getting attacked in the street?
Rebecca: Well, not yet. But I’m sure I will be if you don’t come out here and walk me inside LIKE A GOOD AND DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD.
Eli: Why would someone attack you?
Rebecca: Why WOULDN’T someone attack me?!
Eli: Where are you?
Rebecca: I’m just parking in front of the building. There are two lines painted on the ground that look like Ts. Do I park on top of them?
Eli: No. Those are parallel parking markers. Just park between two of them.
Rebecca: So over the T?
Eli: No. Between two Ts.
Rebecca: I think my car is parked at the T.
Eli: What? I don’t know what you’re saying. Park so that one of the Ts is in front of your car and one is behind it.
Rebecca: But what does that mean?
Eli: Rebecca. You are a trilingual neuroscientist and patent attorney. You are not a dumb person. But you are very much acting like a dumb person right now.
Rebecca: This is waaaay outside of my expertise.
Eli: Common sense is outside of your expertise? Simple communication is outside of your expertise? Following basic instructions is outside of your expertise?
Rebecca: Yes.
Eli: Well then let’s add to that list shutting cupboards after you’ve opened them and boiling noodles without letting them burn into the pan for one full hour because you “forgot.”
Rebecca: Right. All of those things.
Eli: You are a complication in my life.
Just then my bedroom door flew open and Rebecca burst in.
Rebecca: Oh good! You’re still awake! I have a million things to tell you!
~It Just Gets Stranger
