How to Play the Piano: Lessons From Daddy Longlegs

Brahms was a badass. The composer, I mean. Yeah, him. You saw him on a poster when you were in fourth grade: white beard, brown moustache, tiny eyes. You may not have known the badness of his ass because your m...

15 Beginnings Of An Essay I Will Never Write

1. My mom used to take me to her psychiatrist appointments. I’d bring Pogs. I was nine. She’d leave me in the waiting room by a wooden bench and a table covered in back issues of The New Yorker. I was always...

Dating A Man With One Testicle

Imagine: uno. A human testicle, which, if you’ve never seen one, looks like a ball of Silly String if the string could carry the elements of human life in its coils. An organic factory, producing the seeds of G...